


Flowers show love, but they remind me of my pain

by SpiritsShackled



Category: Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Beer, Concerned Friends, Dogs, Emotional Hurt, Flowers, French Fries, Golf, Hanahaki Disease, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Murder, Reading, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soda, Stubborn Thomas, Teasing, Thomas just tell him damnit, Thomas why are you like this, UNO, Walking, Writing A Will, grass, just tell him, worried friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-07
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:02:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25767883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritsShackled/pseuds/SpiritsShackled
Summary: Thomas gets Hanahaki Disease. Will he tell Gordon in time?(Tags updated as story progresses)Thanks to DaniDubskia for name suggestion!
Relationships: Gordon Katsumoto/Thomas Sullivan Magnum IV
Comments: 70
Kudos: 82





	1. Week 1

“So then I saw the door was open and…” Thomas started coughing, “Excuse me. I think there’s something in my throat.”

Gordon rolled his eyes, “Okay Magnum, you can be excused.”

Thomas reluctantly turned away from Gordon and coughed until he felt something in his mouth. Irritated, Thomas reached into his mouth and plucked a singular blue petal from his tongue. Taking a moment to study it, Thomas hummed before dropping the petal.

“So then I saw the door was open and walked inside.” Thomas stated.

“Are you okay?” Gordon asked, “You just coughed up a petal.”

“Yeah. I’m fine. It must’ve just gotten it stuck in my throat when I was running from the dogs through Robin’s flowers earlier.”

“Well if you’re sure that you’re fine, we can continue.”

Thomas nodded, “When I got into the hallway, I saw the victim lying on the ground. The killer was still holding the knife. She charged at me and I managed to disarm her. Just as I did, the police arrived and took her into custody.”

“And did you touch the crime scene in any way?” Gordon teased.

Thomas grinned, “For once the answer is no.”

“Well in that case, you can leave.” Gordon patted Thomas’ shoulder as he moved past him, “Good job. See you around.”

The shoulder Gordon had touched felt slightly warmer. It wasn’t, but it felt like that for Thomas. As he walked away he touched the spot. Smiling softly. He loved Gordon; he knew the other man didn’t feel the same. So he was content with the passing glances and short touches they shared occasionally.

“Calm down Magnum. It’s just a friendly pat on your shoulder.” Thomas muttered to himself so he wouldn’t get his hopes up.

Higgins had taken the car back to Robin’s Nest after Thomas had insisted that he was perfectly capable of walking to Rick’s bar. The walk gave Thomas ample time to think about his feelings for Gordon. Being unable to pinpoint exactly when they started or when they developed into stronger feelings didn’t help slow his thoughts.

“He doesn’t feel the same about you. Stop thinking about it.” Thomas snapped under his breath.

Fortunately Thomas arrived at the bar which forced most thoughts of Gordon out of his mind. He wove around a small group of people and waved at Rick.

“Hey Thomas.” Rick leaned on the bar.

“Hey Rick.”

“I didn’t hear you coming for once.”

Thomas shrugged, “I walked.”

“You’re capable of walking places? Wow. Now I have heard everything.” Rick quipped.

“I have legs Rick. They work.”

“But how often do you use them?”

“Everyday. Unless I’m floating and not aware of it.”

Rick laughed, “Somehow I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Yeah. I’d get TC to tie me to the chopper and then he’d go up. Leaving me dangling. Or hovering ominously.”

“What’s hovering ominously?” TC appeared next to Thomas.

“Not Thomas Magnum.” Rick stated.

Thomas covered his mouth in an attempt to smother his laughter. He started coughing again. This time the petal flew out of his mouth and landed unceremoniously on the bar. Rick and TC stared at the blue object.

“Are you okay?” TC asked, “Because people don’t tend to cough up petals.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” Rick pushed, “Because you have a habit of saying that you’re fine when you’re really not.”

“Since when?” Thomas crossed his arms.

TC sighed, “Are you seriously going to make us list the times you’ve said you’re fine?”

Thomas paused, “It honestly can’t be that long.”

“Do you want to take that chance?” Rick questioned.

“Not today.”

“I swear I’ve read something about people coughing up petals before.” TC said as he pulled up his phone.

“You better look it up.” Rick agreed.

“Guys, wait. Please consider how the internet works. You can search up cold symptoms and the results can be anything from the flu to terminal illness.”

TC held the phone closer to Rick, “Am I reading this right?”

Rick moved closer to read the screen, “I think so.”

“What?” Thomas crossed his arms.

“According to the internet, you have twelve weeks left to live.” TC deadpanned.

“Because I coughed up two petals?”

“Seems so.” Rick quipped.

“Give me that.” Thomas snatched the phone out of TC’s hands and began reading the article on the screen.

“See?” Rick pointed to the middle paragraph, “It says that you ‘have twelve weeks left once petals start appearing’. Should we be worried?”

“It also says that it happens due to one-sided love.” TC pointed out.

“Well I’m not in love with anyone right now.” Thomas lied, “So I’d say I’m safe.”

“Well explain how you’re coughing up petals then.” Rick demanded.

“I was running from the dogs through flowers earlier. I must’ve just swallowed some on the way and not realised.”

“How?” TC asked.

“It’s Thomas we’re talking about.” Rick stated.

“You guys have so much faith in me.”

Rick grinned, “Of course we do. That’s what friends are for.”

“So even if you’re not in love with anyone, please keep an eye on yourself coughing up petals. Wouldn’t want you dying on us.” TC lectured. 

“For all we know, you’re lying about this.”

Thomas handed TC his phone back, “Why would I do that?”

“You could be scared to admit you’re in love.” Rick crossed his arms.

“Or for some reason be embarrassed about it.” TC put his phone away.

“If I liked someone, I’d tell you.”

“That… is a good point actually.” TC conceded.

“Exactly!” Thomas uncrossed his arms, “So what work do I have to do?”

Rick grinned, “Oh, just collecting rubbish and spare glasses from tables.”

“That’s not too bad.”

Rick shrugged, “Its work.”

“Yeah. And I’ll cough up another petal. Then get told I’m going to die a slow death.”

“It’s a risk you have to take.” TC ribbed.

“And it’s painful. Don’t forget the painful part of the death.” Rick pointed out.

Thomas rolled his eyes, “I’ll try not to.”

“Good to hear.” Rick replied. “Now get to work.”

“Okay, okay. I’m going.”


	2. Week 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas learns more about Hanahaki disease.

Thomas groaned, sitting up on the bed. After casting a look down on his pillow, he brought his knees to his chest. Small splashes of blue were dotted around. They’d been increasing in number every morning. 

Every one meant less time he had left. 

A book on Hanahaki Disease sat on the bedside table. Thomas had stolen it from Robin’s shelves three days before; he hadn’t plucked up the courage to even take a peek. Sighing, Thomas grabbed the book of the table. Uncurling his legs partly allowed Thomas to lean the book on his knees while he read.

“Okay. ‘Cures for Hanahaki’, page three hundred and ninety five.” Thomas flicked to the page and started reading.

It was a short chapter.

Thomas shut the book and dropped it on the bed, “Well, Thomas, you have two options. Death. Or forget Gordon and feel nothing ever again. I mean I could tell him and not have to do either. But he’s not really even my friend.”

A sob was wrenched from his lips. Thomas put both of his hands over his mouth. He lay down on the bed, moving his arms up to cover his eyes.

It didn’t stop the tears.

Curling in on himself, Thomas turned onto his right side. Petals brushed against his nose. A reminder of his time slipping away. 

Reaching out, Thomas grabbed one of the little splashes of blue and rolled it around on his palm. It was pretty. Not being able to tell the plant the petals came from didn’t ease his worry. Steeling himself, Thomas sat back up and opened the book again.

“Right. ‘How Hanahaki Disease affects the body’, that sounds like something I should know. Page one hundred and fifty.” Flicking to the page, Thomas began to read. 

It didn’t get his mood up. 

There were medical images of Hanahaki disease at various stages; after a detailed description of each stage. He also discovered that different types of plants had different effects on the lungs. Plants that were bushes or similar, grew in a basket-like formation which fully encased the lungs and slowly got tighter. On the other hand, plants that grew on thinner stems spiralled around the lungs tightly from the middle outward.

Thomas flipped back to the start of the book, “Probably should’ve started from the beginning. ‘The basics of Hanahaki disease’, I suppose I should read that.”

‘The basics of Hanahaki disease’ was a relatively short chapter containing a summary of Hanahaki disease. It mainly contained facts about how the process of coughing or vomiting up petals worked. Obviously petals would come out regardless, but the amount increased by about eight percent when near the person who caused it. Being near the person who the feelings were for on a regular basis meant that the time decreased from twelve weeks to eleven. 

“More time with Gordon is going to cost me one of my last twelve weeks alive.” Thomas stated, eyes widening at the realisation.

The book was half thrown onto the bedside table as Thomas got up. He made his way to the shower and stood under the water for longer than needed. After drying off, Thomas got dressed and made his bed.

Two hours later he was sitting in the lounge watching Gordon and TC finish off a game of Uno. 

“I’m going to win.” Gordon stated.

“Pretty sure it’s going to be me. But, keep telling yourself that.” TC retorted.

“The law always wins.”

“Not in this case.”

“No offence Katsumoto, but TC holds the record for the most wins.” Rick chimed in.

Gordon laughed, “Fair enough.”

“Hey! Maybe Katsumoto is secretly an expert in Uno? We don’t know.” Thomas voiced.

“Yeah. For all we know he’s the world champion.” Higgins continued.

“At least neither of them have sleeves.” Kumu added.

“Great. Kumu thinks that we’re both cheaters.” TC said.

Thomas was about to reply but felt a tickle in the back of his throat. Acting quickly, Thomas picked up his beer and then coughed. He caught the petals in the hand he was covering his mouth with.

“Magnum’s forgotten how alcohol works.” Gordon deadpanned.

"You know it's supposed to taste like that, right?" Higgins ribbed.

Rick sighed, “I was so focused on the Uno I didn’t notice the beautiful moment of Magnum forgetting how to drink.”

Thomas put the beer down and caught more petals, “Go on and laugh. I’m not hacking up a lung over here.”

“As long as it’s not petals.” TC ribbed.

“What was the deal with that?” Gordon asked causally, “You coughed up petals last week.”

“We thought that he might have Hanahaki disease.” TC responded as he put down a green four.

“The one where you cough up petals and then die?”

“That’s the one.” TC agreed.

“We figured Thomas had a crush.” Rick pointed out. 

“I said that I would’ve told you if I did!” Thomas reiterated.

“Who would it even be?” Higgins mused.

Kumu laughed, “That woman who tried to stab him last week, possibly.”

Rick hummed in agreement, “Or that guy who was convinced that Thomas was his husband.”

Thomas put his face in his hands, “Guys stop.”

“What about that…” TC started.

“UNO!” Gordon basically shouted.

“What?!” TC snapped, “You know, never mind. There isn’t even a prize for this.”

“The prize is a kiss on the cheek,” Kumu paused, “From Thomas.”

Gordon shrugged, “Okay.”

“I’m fine with that.” Tc put down a card, “You better not have blue.”

Gordon smugly put down his final card, “I win.”

“Good game.” TC dropped his cards on the table.

“Well I guess I get my prize now.” Gordon looked at Thomas.

Thomas sheepishly got up and kissed Gordon’s cheek, “There you go.”

Gordon grinned, embarrassed, “Thank you.”

“This is the point where we start to think you two like each other.” Rick deadpanned.

“Blame Kumu! It was her suggestion.” Thomas said as he quickly moved away from Gordon.

“Gordon didn’t exactly say no.” Higgins pointed out.

Gordon rolled his eyes, “The only thing I’m getting out of this is a kiss. I might as well take it.”

“That’s fair.” Kumu agreed.

“So…” TC started, “Round two?”

“You’re on!” Gordon responded.

Thomas smiled while subtly coughing up more petals behind his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope I didn't overdo it with the explanation. XD


	3. Week 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Gordon take a stroll.

“This is a beautiful place to die, isn’t it?” Gordon mused.

“I guess.” Thomas responded, looking at the body at the bottom of the falls.

“Didn’t know golf was this competitive.”

Thomas chuckled, “Neither did I.”

“Apparently he yelled ‘fore’ then was hit four times over the head. Before being dragged here.” Gordon snickered.

“I’m trying to be serious about this, but then I think about the circumstances of how we got here.”

“Same.”

“I mean the chances of getting hired to find a woman’s golf balls that this guy kept stealing and then him getting murdered by her sister are pretty slim.”

“Surely you expect this type of thing by now.” Gordon stated.

Thomas smiled, “Clearly not.”

Both stepped aside as the forensic team came to collect the body. Thomas took the opportunity to expel any spare petals he’d allowed to collect in his throat. He dropped them on the ground carelessly as Gordon watched the team.

“Well we should start the hike down.” Gordon gestured to the trail.

“It’s fifteen minutes, not much of a hike.”

“Start the walk down then.”

Thomas nodded, “Lead the way.”

Gordon moved towards the path, half looking over his shoulder to make sure Thomas followed.

Thomas rolled his eyes, “You don’t need to watch me.”

“Are you sure? Given your track record of what you get up to unsupervised.” Gordon stated with fond exasperation.

“I haven’t died while unsupervised!”

“Yet.”

“Well I can plan to die unsupervised.” Thomas pondered.

“I’d prefer it if you didn’t.” Gordon said softly.

“Yeah. I guess not knowing where the body is could be annoying.”

“I didn’t mean that!” Gordon snapped, “I just don’t think people deserve to die alone. Especially you.”

“Oh.”

“Sorry. That was too personal.”

“No. It’s okay.” Thomas caught Gordon’s eyes, “Really it is. You didn’t overstep.”

“Still.”

“People shouldn’t die alone. I agree with you on that.”

“What if they want to though?” Gordon thought aloud.

“Would you respect them for that?” Thomas asked.

“Of course. Just because it’s not my wish, doesn’t mean I wouldn’t respect anyone else’s.”

“That’s good to know.”

The conversation halted for a second as both tried to think of a way to change the theme.

“Any odd cases recently?” Gordon finally queried.

Thomas lit up, “Loads actually.”

“Nothing like that from my side of things. It’s been a pretty murder free week.”

“I got hired to find a scarf. The problem was that the guy who hired me was colour-blind.”

“So?”

“He didn’t know what colour the scarf actually was. Thought it was yellow. It was green. I spent two days looking for a stolen yellow scarf that didn’t exist.”

“Wow. That’s just…” Gordon started laughing.

“The guy insisted on paying me in cash.”

“I take it the guy didn’t want you to talk about the incident.”

“No. He didn’t.”

“Aren’t you violating some kind of privacy with your client?” Gordon teased.

“I haven’t told you names or particular locations. So no.”

“Are you sure?”

“Now you’re just saying that to scare me.”

Gordon chuckled, “Pretty much.”

“Typical.” Thomas dropped more petals on the ground, “What do you know about Hanahaki disease.”

“Why?”

Thomas shrugged, “You seemed to recognise it when TC mentioned it last week.”

“I know it from the stories. And that it can only be cured via surgery.” Gordon paused, “Or a kiss from the person you love.”

“What would you do if you got Hanahaki? Theoretically.” Thomas asked.

“It would terrify me, if I’m honest.” Gordon said earnestly.

“Would you tell the person?”

Gordon hummed, “Probably?”

“I don’t know if I would.”

“Why not?”

Thomas shrugged, “It would depend on the person.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“It’s a really interesting disease to study actually.”

“Started looking into it then?” Gordon asked.

“Yes. Thought I might as well learn more. It was morbid curiosity.” Thomas admitted.

“Sounds interesting.” Gordon stated, “You’ll have to tell me more about it at a later date.”

“What about next week?” Thomas offered, “We could order takeout.”

“I’d like that.” Gordon responded.

Thomas tripped as he went to reply. Gordon reacted quickly and caught him in his arms. Their faces ended up centimetres apart. Both swallowed. 

“Thanks.” Thomas leaned back to get his balance.

Gordon helped him to get upright, “No problem.”

“Well that was…”

“Slightly awkward.”

Thomas rubbed his arm, “Yes.”

“Should we?”

“Change the subject quickly? My vote is yes.”

Gordon nodded, “Been chased by the dogs lately?”

“Not really. Fortunately.”

“Why don’t dogs like you?”

“I’m not really sure. It’s like I emit an aura that says ‘Hey dogs! Come and chase me!’” Thomas vaguely gestured, “At least I get some cardio in.”

“Sounds much more fun than doing paperwork.”

“How is being chased my dogs fun?”

“Well you’re in the outdoors. Sun overhead. Gentle breeze running through your hair. Heart pounding as you run through the grass.” Gordon nudged Thomas’ shoulder.

“With two hellhounds barking behind me.”

“Wow. You ruining the fun. That’s a new one.”

Thomas rolled his eyes, “I can be serious when needed.”

“Really? I thought that you normally ignore problems.”

“No I don’t.” Thomas stepped behind Gordon to dump a bundle of petals.

“Sure you don’t.” Gordon stated.

The car park came into view. It was empty except for Thomas’ and emergency services. Both stayed quiet as they walked off the trail and towards their respective cars.

“You parked next to me?” Thomas asked.

Gordon shrugged, “Wanted to make sure I wouldn’t have to wander around the car park.”

“There is no one else here that isn’t police.”

“So?”

“Nothing. Just making an observation.”

Gordon quirked his eyebrow, “Really?”

“Really.”

“Will I see you next week?”

“You know my track record.” Thomas chuckled, “The answer’s probably yes.”

“I meant about the discussing Hanahaki and ordering takeout.”

“Oh that. Yes. Definitely.”

“I’ll call when I have a free evening.”

“Same.”

Gordon opened the door to his car, “Well, goodbye.”

“Bye.” Thomas waved as Gordon drove off.

Getting into the car, Thomas coughed for a long time. Little splashes of blue were carried away by the breeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This may be changed a little as my proofreader hasn't been around to read it to check my mistakes yet. lol


	4. Week 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas and Gordon look at some flowers.

“That’s really interesting.” Gordon stated.

“I know, right? The flower type influences how the Hanahaki develops around the lungs. Who would’ve known?” Thomas responded before picking up more fries.

Gordon took a sip of his soda, “Not me.”

Thomas grinned, “Guess so.”

“What causes it?”

Thomas thought for a moment, “Nobody really knows. There have been many theories over the years. Some think that it’s some kind of magical curse, others think that it’s just science that can’t be explained at the moment.”

“Maybe one day there’ll be a cure where the person doesn’t lose all their feelings.”

“Hopefully.” Thomas pondered.

“The mere idea of feeling nothing...” Gordon trailed off.

“Is terrifying?”

“Exactly.”

“There’s no way I could go through life feeling nothing at all.”

“Same.”

“What would that be like? Never having the urge to smile. Or cry.” Thomas said softly.

“I can’t imagine what it would be like.” Gordon responded.

“This got dark really quick.”

“Yes it did.”

“And the food is now finished.”

“Why don’t we go look at these famous flowers that you ran through?”

“What if the hellhounds chase me?”

“Then I’ll protect you to the fullest extent.” Gordon stated warmly.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Thomas stood up and moved towards the door.

Gordon followed him, “Lead the way.”

They strolled outside into the evening air. Amber hues bathed the area. A mixture of fragrances from the flowers overpowered the smell of the sea.

“This is pretty.” Gordon stated.

“It is.”

Gordon studied the flowers as they wandered, “Are you sure studying Hanahaki is just morbid curiosity?”

“Of course.” Thomas said quickly, “Why would you think otherwise?”

“Robin doesn’t appear to have any blue flowers in his garden.”

While Gordon was turned around, Thomas coughed out a small pile of petals and spread them out near a bush with purple and pink flowers that had similar petals. “There’s blue petals over here.”

“Oh, a hydrangea bush! That makes sense now.”

“What does?”

“There being no blue flowers. Hydrangea flowers are different colours depending on the soil. If it’s more acidic, the flowers are blue. If it’s more alkaline, the flowers are pink. A mixture will produce purple flowers. The soil must’ve changed PH, so there’s no blue flowers currently.”

“You seem to know a lot about this particular plant.” Thomas noted.

“It’s my favourite.” 

“Really?”

“Yes.” Gordon rubbed the back of his neck, “Ironically, the one I had, died.”

“How?”

“It caught fire.” Gordon put a hand up, “Don’t ask.”

Thomas grinned as he leaned in, “I wasn’t going to.”

Gordon paused in thought, “You do know that you’re…”

Gordon didn’t get to finish his sentence as Thomas jumped behind him and grabbed his shoulders. Barking came from the other end of the garden.

“Oh, I see.” Gordon stated.

Zeus and Apollo bounded down the path. Thomas squeezed. The dogs came to a stop roughly two meters in front of the two men.

“Can you get rid of them? Please?” Thomas whispered into Gordon’s ear.

“I said I’d protect you. Didn’t I?” Gordon reminded him.

“You did. To the fullest extent.”

“And you said you’d hold me to that.”

“Well I’m doing that now.”

Gordon reached up to rub his thumb over Thomas’ hand, “I’ll get rid of them. Okay?”

“Okay.”

Turning to the dogs, Gordon began to make shooing motions with his remaining hand. He repeated the motions until another set of footsteps was heard.

“Boys! Heel.”

The dogs stopped barking and wandered over to Higgins.

Thomas’ hand relaxed on Gordon’s shoulder as he peaked over it, “Hi Higgins!”

“Hello. Sorry I let the dogs interrupt your date.” Higgins smiled slyly.

“It wasn’t a date.” Gordon stated.

Higgins thought for a moment, “I’ll be going now.”

She walked away with the dogs hot on her heels. Thomas let go of Gordon and stepped away.

“Sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” Thomas apologised. 

“Don’t worry. An ex of mine used to do the same thing. Guy was terrified of cats.” Gordon explained.

“Guy?”

“I’m bisexual.” Gordon paused, “Is there a problem with that?”

“What! No!” Thomas put his hands in front of him, “I’m bi as well.”

“Really?”

“I’ve dated both guys and girls before. So I’d say yes.”

“I never would’ve guessed. Thought that you were an absolute ladies man.”

Thomas smiled, “Same with you.”

“Guess we were both wrong.”

“You must get a lot of attention when you go out.”

Gordon chuckled, “Not really.”

“How come? You’re attractive.”

“Excuse me?”

“Does me saying that make you uncomfortable?” Thomas studied Gordon’s face, “I didn’t mean to.”

“No. It’s not that. I just haven’t gotten a complement about my appearance in a while.” Gordon reassured.

“I don’t see how.”

“Then you’re blinder than I thought.”

Thomas became serious, “I meant it. To be blunt, you’re pretty hot.”

Gordon fiddled with the flowers near him, “Thank you.”

“And he’s modest too.”

“Unlike you.”

“Hey!”

“I’m kidding!” Gordon smiled, “Mostly.”

“I’d hope so.”

Drops of water splattered onto the flowers around them. Becoming heavier by the second. Gordon and Thomas looked at each other before running towards the guest house. Neither paid attention to the little blue petals spilling onto the ground.

Once inside, Thomas shut the door hastily. Gordon pulled off his t-shirt and began wringing it out over the kitchen sink.

“That was fun.” Gordon deadpanned as he watched Thomas over his shoulder.

Thomas shrugged, “What did you expect me to do? Control the weather?”

“Knowing you, I wouldn’t be too surprised.”

“I have a t-shirt you can borrow.” Thomas gestured to the shirt Gordon was wringing out.

“That would be nice.” Gordon responded.

“I’ll go upstairs and get one. Any particular colour?”

“Surprise me.”

Thomas nodded before turning on his heel. He made his way upstairs relatively quickly. 

The coughing started when he was next to the bed. Bracing with both hands, Thomas coughed until a pile of blue petals sat on the bed. Thomas shook his arms out and grabbed a blue t-shirt out of the wardrobe. He coughed once more before leaving the room.

A single blue hydrangea flower drifted to the floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A snippet of my Proofreader and I discussing this chapter;
> 
> Me: THOMAS, HE'S BI AND SINGLE,SHOOT YOUR DAMN SHOT  
> PR: I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY, SHOT  
>  I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY, SHOT  
>  YOU KNOW THIS GUY IS PRETTY HUNG  
>  BUT THERE ARE FLOWERS IN MY LUNGS  
>  I AM NOT THROWING AWAY MY, SHOT


	5. Week 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Talking on the grass.

Thomas tapped his foot on the ground while chewing the cap of his pen. Occasionally glancing down at the multitude of crushed paper on the floor as he wrote ideas down in the notepad in front of him.

“Magnum!” Rick’s voice echoed through the house. “Where are you?” 

Thomas hesitated before answering, “Spare room!”

“Okay!” TC called up.

Four sets of footsteps came up the stairs. Thomas swept any spare petals and flowers into the bin just as the door opened. Gordon, Higgins, TC and Rick spilled into the room. Turning around in his office chair, Thomas came face to face with them.

“Magnum, what’s going on?” Higgins demanded.

“Nothing!”

“Doesn’t look like nothing.” TC noted.

“Look.” Thomas conceded, “I realised I didn’t have a will.”

“Why would you need a will?” Rick snapped.

“Well given all the trouble I get into…”

“We keep you safe!” TC snapped.

“Even if you do, people don’t live forever.” Thomas stated solemnly.

“Still.” Rick muttered.

“Still, it’s good to have my affairs in order. Just in case.” Thomas shrugged, “Just thought I’d sort it out while I have some time.”

“As stupid as this is, it’s relieving.” Gordon rubbed the back of his neck.

“Why?”

“We thought you were really ill. Firstly, you haven’t answered any messages all day and secondly, when we come to check on you, you’re writing a will!” Gordon explained.

“Oh.”

“Yeah!” Gordon softened, “We were worried. You know?”

“I didn’t mean to worry any of you.”

“We know you didn’t. But still. Please don’t do it again.” Gordon asked.

“That would be preferable.” Rick agreed.

“No promises from my end.”

TC rolled his eyes, “Good enough.”

“Come on, how about we go get some fresh air?” Higgins suggested.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Does it look like you do?” Higgins responded.

Thomas studied all the other faces in the room, “No?”

“Correct answer.”

Thomas stood up, “Lead the way.”

“Oh, we intend to.” Gordon gently grabbed Thomas’ left hand, “No running away.”

TC grasped Thomas’ right hand, “Just to be sure.”

“We’re not getting down the stairs like this.” Thomas stated.

“Yes. Yes, you are.” Rick ordered.

“Guys!” Thomas grumbled.

A few minutes later, the group was gathered on the grass outside.

“Isn’t this nice?” Rick threw his arms out, “The fresh air. The song of the sea. The…”

“Rick, we get it.” TC said.

Thomas stretched, “My back is going to thank you at least.”

“Probably because you’re not sitting like a banana.” Gordon quipped.

“You may have a point.”

“I do have a point.”

Thomas grinned, “Perhaps you do.”

Gordon rolled his eyes, “I know I do.”

“Stop it, both of you.” Higgins warned.

“I don’t really want to watch you two flirt the entire time.” TC gestured vaguely.

“How are they flirting?” Rick asked, “If anything, they’re arguing.”

“Lovers quarrel?” TC suggested.

Gordon snorted, “Don’t we have to be dating for that?”

“Not in my opinion.” 

“That’s not how this works.” Thomas stated.

“Says who?” TC shrugged.

“Pretty much everyone.” Higgins cut in.

“Seriously? Please stop.” Gordon asked.

Rick nodded, “Let’s change the subject. Anything fun happen over the week?”

TC laughed, “You’ll never guess.”

Thomas nudged his shoulder, “Call me crazy, but does it involve a helicopter?”

“A man who owns a business that’s centred on helicopters, having a story with a helicopter in it. Who would’ve guessed?” Gordon deadpanned. 

Rick chuckled, “A helicopter would be such a plot twist.”

TC rolled his eyes, “Can I actually tell the story now. Or are you guys gonna keep making sarcastic comments.”

“I don’t know. Can you?” Thomas slipped in.

“At this point I’m just going to talk.” TC looked at their faces, “What happened was…”

“You were in a helicopter?” Rick quipped.

“I’m going to ignore that. Annoyingly, I was actually in my helicopter.”

“Called it!” Rick did a little victory dance.

“Two guys decided to come enjoy the experience. Well, turns out one is deathly afraid of heights.”

“That sounds like a brilliant idea.” Gordon stated.

TC nodded, “And he kept passing out too. Luckily he didn’t puke.”

Thomas shuddered, “That is not fun to clean up.”

“If you aren’t gonna pay me for my fuel with money, then you’re gonna have to clean.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

Higgins snorted, “At least manual labour will ensure you get your money’s worth.”

“Higgins has a point. I’ll schedule you to clean the toilets next week.” Rick smirked at Thomas.

Thomas swallowed, “I’m already dreading it.”

“Why?” Rick teased, “I thought scrubbing dried vomit off the floor was a favourite activity of yours.”

“Since when?”

“Since you started asking your friends for free favours.” TC reminded.

“You don’t have a defence against that. Do you, Magnum?” Higgins quipped.

“I guess I don’t.” Thomas swallowed again.

Gordon cleared his throat, “Sorry to cut this short, but I have work soon.”

Rick glanced at his watch, “Same.”

TC mirrored Rick, “Got a tour in half an hour.”

“And I’ve got a call with Robin.” Higgins finished.

Thomas grinned, “Seems like I’m the only one free.”

“Well you can enjoy your lack of adult responsibilities then.” Higgins rolled her eyes.

“So is this the part where we all filter off?” Rick asked.

“Guess so.” TC responded.

The group swapped quick goodbyes before separating. Thomas thought that Gordon’s eyes lingered on him a touch longer then needed. Not wanting to deal with his feelings, he briskly strode away. A dozen confessions on the tip of his tongue. 

The nausea started when he walked through the door.

Thirty seconds later, Thomas knelt in front of the toilet. Coughing and retching. A myriad of petals dropped into the bowl. A few flowers joined the petals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took waaaaaay too long. Sorry!


	6. Week 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon finds out.

“You have Hanahaki.” Gordon paused, “Don’t you?”

Thomas continued staring out of the window, he didn’t respond.

“Who is it?” Gordon leaned in to study Thomas’ face, “You need to tell them.”

“I can’t.”

“You can.” Gordon encouraged softly.

Thomas turned to Gordon with a bleary expression, “I can’t. I just… can’t.”

“Thomas…”

“Don’t. I’ve made my choice.” Thomas dropped his eyes to the ground, “I’ve accepted it.”

“But you don’t have to.” Gordon stated.

“I have to.”

“No you don’t. Just tell them. What have you got to lose?”

Thomas finally met Gordon’s eyes, “Everything.”

“You’re going to die if you don’t tell them.”

“If they reject me, I die there and then.”

Gordon froze, “What do you mean?”

“To quote the book, ‘If the feelings are rejected by the party who they are for, the Hanahaki immediately progresses to its final phase. Killing the sufferer within a few minutes of the rejection.” Thomas looked forlorn.

Gordon stood up and started pacing slowly, he didn’t respond. Thomas’ eyes followed him until he couldn’t bear to any longer. The sight of Gordon upset made his chest tighten. Whether it was the Hanahaki or just his imagination, Thomas couldn’t tell. 

Eventually Gordon sat back in front of him and cleared his throat, “Any other surprises?”

Thomas shook his head.

“Right. So is there any way, any way at all that I could talk you out of just dying?” Gordon begged.

“They don’t feel the same.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Did they say that they don’t care?”

“Well, no. But…”

“Then how can you be sure that they don’t.”

“I just…” Thomas shook his head, “I know.”

“Okay.” Gordon thought for a moment, “But why let me know? Why tell me the truth?”

Thomas weakly smiled, “Gordon Katsumoto, always the detective.”

Gordon let out a noise of amusement, “Well it is my job.”

“I hadn’t realised. I thought you were a gardener or something.”

“Don’t change the subject.”

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Then give me an answer.” Gordon said, soft but firm.

“Rick and TC would immediately try to find the person. Then call Robin to get him to change my mind if they couldn’t. Higgins would lock me in a cupboard to either starve or confess. You’d at least listen to my reasoning first.”

Gordon nodded sharply, “That’s, good to hear?”

“It sounded better in my head.”

“The sentence or the logic?”

“Both?”

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Because you know me.” Thomas smiled warmly.

“I still think that you’re hiding something.”

“Well, it’s the name of my beloved. Obviously.”

“Other than that.”

“I put my socks in the fridge sometimes.”

Gordon snorted, “Why?”

Thomas shrugged, “Because it amuses me when I find them in there.”

“Fair enough. Not like you’d give me a more logical answer anyway, given your track record.”

“My track record is not that bad.”

“You can think that if you want.”

“You sound like Rick, TC and Higgins put together.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“Depends on your point of view.”

“I’d hope it’s a good thing.” Gordon stated.

“Well you sound like a close friend, so I’d say that it is.”

“So we’re close friends now?”

“Of course! If you want to be, obviously. But I’d consider you a close friend.”

Gordon smiled, “I’d say we’re close friends.”

“Then I guess we are.” Thomas said as he returned the smile.

“Why did we sound so awkward?” Gordon deadpanned.

Thomas snickered, “Because we’re not the best at the mushy stuff.”

“Hey! I can be mushy. You just haven’t seen it yet.” 

“Really?”

“Gordon rolled his eyes, “There is no need to sound so sarcastic.”

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Oh really?”

“Cross my heart.”

“And…” Gordon paused, “Never mind.”

“You were about to say ‘and hope to die’. Weren’t you?”

“I was.”

“Guess there’s no point in saying ‘and hope to die’ when I’m already dying.”

“That’s pretty morbid.”

“But I’m not wrong.”

Thomas started hacking from the deepest depths of his throat. Gordon stayed silent as he watched Thomas claw petals and flowers out of his mouth. He grabbed a tissue off of the table and handed it over before getting up to grab the small bin from the corner. When he returned, Thomas smiled in thanks as he dropped the flora into the bin.

Gordon put the bin down, “Now what?”

Thomas shrugged, “Now I prepare to tell my friends that I’m dying.”

“That’s going to be difficult.”

“Probably.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have some things to say.  
> 1) The fic is not cancelled  
> 2) I'm sorry this chapter is shorter  
> 3) I unintentionally took a 'break' (if it can be called that). This was mainly due to my education resuming. I have a completely new timetable and it's been harder than i thought to adjust. However i'm getting more used to it. So a more regular update schedule should be in place soon. :)  
> 4) Sorry again. <3


	7. Week 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds out.

Thomas gazed out of the window. Across from him sat four people, plus one on the other end of a phone. He took a moment to gather his thoughts before turning to look at his friends.

“I have Hanahaki.”

The fallout from the statement was immediate. Higgins looked shocked. Rick and TC visibly crumbled a little. Stuttering came from the phone. Gordon remained as sombre as he was before.

“Please tell me this a joke in poor taste.” Robin was the first one to speak from thousands of miles away.

“No. It’s not.”

“How long?” Higgins calmly asked.

“It’s the middle of week seven right now.”

“So what? You’re just going to die in five weeks?” Higgins continued.

“Potentially less.” Thomas softly responded, “Scratch that, I’m sure that it’ll be less.”

“Aren’t you going to confess to the person?” Rick snapped, “What, are you just going to die?”

“I… I…”

“Rick stop.” TC shushed, “Let the man speak.”

“If I confess and get rejected to my face, I die immediately. Just smack. On the floor. Blood and flowers everywhere. And I don’t want the person I love to have to replace their flooring.”

“That’s a logical, but stupid reason to die.” Rick muttered.

“What else am I supposed to do?” Thomas challenged.

Rick didn’t answer.

“Well, give me an answer. If you’re going to call out my issue, have a solution.”

Rick swallowed, “Good to know after all we’ve been through, you’re just going to give up now.”

“Rick!” TC snapped. “Seriously?”

“What?”

“By not confessing, Thomas is giving himself more time. Do you honestly want to spend less time with him as he dies?”

Rick looked taken back, “Oh.”

“Exactly.” TC moved over to Thomas. “It’s okay.”

“I’m sorry T.M. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

Thomas put his arms out. Rick and TC wrapped him up in a tight hug. He reciprocated it. Higgins joined in too, hugging from behind. Gordon followed, hugging the opposite shoulder.

“It’s okay. You guys aren’t getting rid of me for a while yet.” Thomas joked.

“Still won’t be long enough.” Gordon muttered.

“Gordon’s right.” Rick chimed in.

“As annoying as you can be, I agree.” Higgins stated.

TC grinned, “Does this mean I’ll finally get my fuel money back?”

“Maybe?” Thomas hummed, “You’ll just have to see what I wrote in my will.”

“Do I get the lucky hat?” Rick pulled back and gave Thomas’ a serious look.

“You’ll have to see.”

“Come on. Please?”

Thomas wheezed. Everyone carefully stepped back as he started coughing. Catching the bloody mass of blue in his cupped hands. Higgins silently plucked a tissue from the nearby box. Slipping it into Thomas’ fingers.

“Thanks.” Thomas wiped the blood off his hands and mouth.

“Well we wouldn’t want blood on the floor.” Higgins quip lacked its usual bite.

“Unless it’s someone else’s.” 

“Still no.”

“What if they were trying to kill us?”

“Then I’m sure that you can apprehend without spilling blood.”

“Or…”

“Or you could not run at people without a plan in place.” TC pointed out.

“But where’s the fun in that?”

“It’s called ‘thinking before you act’.” Rick joked.

“Eh.” Thomas wobbled his hand.

“Did everyone forget that I exist?” Robin’s voice came from the forgotten phone.

Gordon scooped the phone off the table, “Maybe. Maybe not.”

“That wasn’t really an answer.”

“Good. I’m being deliberately vague.” Gordon deadpanned.

Robin chuckled, “Now I see why Thomas and the gang became friends with you.”

“Dry sarcasm?”

“A silvery tongue.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s that valuable.”

“Or that eloquent.”

“Harsh.”

“You started this.”

“Indeed I did.”

“Regret it?”

“Never.”

“I’m confused.” Thomas cut in, “What’s going on?”

“A conversation.” Gordon responded.

“A good conversation.” Robin added.

“A great conversation.”

“An amazing conversation.”

“A brilliant conversation.”

“You sound kinda high.” Rick stood behind Gordon.

“I do not!” Came from both Gordon and Robin.

“You do.” Thomas agreed with Rick, coming over, having discarded the bloody tissue somewhere else.

“Magnum I’m technically your boss, please defend me. You are a security consultant.”

“Only for your estate.”

“And?”

“And you’re not on the estate.”

“So?”

“So I don’t have to protect you.” Thomas snickered, “You’re someone else’s problem.”

“Okay, that’s just harsh.” TC moved over.

“Thank you!” Robin responded.

“Robin is his own problem.”

Robin’s facepalm could be heard down the line, “There is no winning this, is there?”

“Nope.”

“The odds are not in your favour.” Higgins added.

“They never are.”

“So are you going to come to Hawaii soon?”

Robin sighed, “Quickest I can get to y’all is in three weeks.”

Thomas hummed, “I’ll probably still be alive.”

“Okay.”

Thomas made a sad noise, “I should’ve told everyone sooner. At least then you’d have known and we could see each other in person.”

“No. No. It’s okay. I understand.”

“We all do.” TC added.

“It’s hard to talk about these things,” Gordon stated, “Matters of the heart always are.”

“Love is strange.” Rick added.

“Makes no sense at all. You’re just minding your own business and then you fall so deep in love that you cough flowers.” Higgins poked Thomas.

Thomas rubbed his arm, “Nothing is ever normal with me. Is it?”

“Life would be boring if it was.” TC flung an arm around Thomas’ shoulders.

“Guess it would be. Who else would send you around the island on random quests?”

“And not pay us back.” Rick pointed out.

“I said that I’d get around to paying you.”

“How? From beyond the grave?” 

“Yep. I’ll dig my way out, pay you and then casually return to my grave.”

Gordon sighed, “If I get calls about a dead Thomas walking around, I will be concerned on so many levels.”

“It would make your day more interesting.” Robin sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

“Just what I want. A zombie to deal with. If you’re planning to do this, can you avoid my shift?” Gordon glanced at Thomas.

Thomas grinned, “Sure. Give me your schedule.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello readers! The next chapter is finally up! Fact: The WIP title for the fic was 'Flower Vomit' and it has kept this name on the word document. XD
> 
> Also TheChainLink (my proofreader) had this to say; 
> 
> Thomas and Gordon get drunk
> 
> Gordon: (on the verge of blacking out) You know, when I was a kid, me and some of my friends heard that one in four kids grow up to be serial killers.  
> Thomas: Is that so?  
> Gordon: Yeah. So I pushed Jimmy off a cliff to make sure it wasn't him.  
> Thomas: (jerking upright) Really?  
> Gordon: (laughing) Nah!  
> Thomas: (sighs in relief)  
> Gordon: (slumping down) Jimmy was a good kid. Mike on the other hand... (blacks out)  
> Thomas: You didn't actually kill anyone, right? Right? RIGHT?


	8. Week 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas ponders.

There was always something peaceful about looking into the night sky. With the sounds of light rain pattering on the window. Trees swaying in the breeze to add some more relaxing sounds. It was nice, soothing even. A natural lullaby that could put most into a restful sleep.

Blood and flowers lay scattered across the sheets. Not too much blood, but enough to create noticeable spots. Lingering on and around the flowers. As if it was guarding them. Or empathizing the mess by clashing against the blue of the petals. Each one a reminder of the unrequited love that was slowly choking him to death.

Sleep wasn’t necessarily a thing that came to Thomas easily to begin with. Sure, he could sleep in almost any position, but it would potentially bring back memories he’d rather forget when he slept. Not like they wouldn’t visit if there was a sheet and pillows to hold him, but it was better. The lack of any cricks in his neck were an added bonus.

Standing up, Thomas leant on the window sill. Sleep abandoned. Forehead pressed against the glass to get a ghost of a cooling effect. 

Time became slightly fluid as Thomas closed his eyes and focused on the sounds outside. Thinking of the simple pleasures that he’d be torn away from within a couple of weeks.

Rick telling a stupid joke that made everyone laugh. TC ribbing him about some of his stupider moments from the past. Higgins making quips to stop him doing something ridiculous. Gordon fondly rolling his eyes. Robin calling him to ask if he’d really do something he was writing about.

His thoughts turned to the future.

Movie nights for movies he’d never live to see. Dinners shared in the close company of friends. Love and loss that would be laughed and cried over. Pranks that would surely be played at the most unsuspecting moments. Fashion disasters that would be too hilarious to miss.

But he would miss them. Thomas realised. Tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

A sob forced its way out of his mouth. Half choked by the attempts to silence it. There was no one to hear him cry, but if he started, he wasn’t sure if he’d be able to stop. All the endless possibilities that had been cut away. Sliced by the love wrapping around his lungs.

Love wasn’t supposed to be like this, Thomas knew. It was supposed to remove weight from his chest. Not constrict it further. 

Moving away from the window was a task Thomas performed reluctantly. Unaware of where he was headed, Thomas followed where his feet took him. Ending up sitting on the chair where he’d written his will. Sighing, he turned on a light and began to read it.

Only making it through a couple of lines before slipping off the chair and onto the floor. Tears blurring his vision. Knees drawn up to his chin in an attempt to comfort himself. Retreating into the corner closest to the light of the single bulb.

Unfortunately it chose to die five minutes later.

Darkness enveloped the room in its familiar embrace. Reaching every nook and cranny that never tried to hide. Thomas relaxed. Accepting the solid walls behind him as his non-judgemental back support.

Until the urge to cough crept up his throat.

Grabbing the bin, Thomas hacked up clumps of flowers. Prettily poisonous. More beautiful than they should be. Given what they represented. But love is supposed to be beautiful. There is beauty in the deepest love hidden and the loudest love proclaimed. At least the romantic side of Thomas believed. 

The logical side, on the other hand, knew that love could be ugly. People could believe that love was the only thing needed. Forgetting about mutual respect and all other factors. Some blinded by blind adoration, never seeing the problems staring directly at them. Toxic behaviours covered by a simple ‘because I love you’. Love slowly winding its way up his lungs to choke him. 

Shoving the bin aside, Thomas stood up and turned the now useless lamp off. Preparing to wander elsewhere. Small drops of blood splattered onto the carpet. Robin probably knew a guy who could clean it anyway.

The rain was more comforting than Thomas expected. 

Soaking him through to the bone within a few seconds of when he stepped outside, like an extra layer of slippery skin. Leaning back brought Thomas face to face with the sky. Drops running down his face like the tears he was afraid to shed.

Memories bubbled up unbridled. Dancing in the rain with his parents. Then with just his mother. Laughing at being caught unaware without a coat with some nameless faces from school. Kneeling in mud for some crude punishment. Sprinting through the rain into the nearest bar with the guys. Nuzo planting his foot more heavily in puddles for the little splash. Rick skirting around any water on the path. TC just walking, uncaring about anything wet in his way. Higgins calling the dogs in quickly to avoid a pair of damp patches on the floor. Gordon rolling his eyes as it began to rain at a crime scene.

Gordon was the reason he was dying. All because he was too scared to admit his mystery love was him. Knowing Gordon, he’d accept his feelings falsely to save him. Which would have the same affect that rejection would have. Bringing him to an untimely end.

Thomas smiled.

Dripping, he headed back inside. Plan forming. Stripping off his boxers as he went. Making his way back up the stairs. Swapping the rain water covering him for tap water. With some shower gel smelling of some random fruit. Shampoo scented with some fake plastic smell.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Thomas carelessly swept the bloody flowers off the bed. Not bothering to see them slowly float to the ground. Dumping anymore he coughed up on the floor beside them.

Opening the closet, he pulled out clothes for the day. Accepting that he wouldn’t sleep at all. So might as well get dressed.

The day was just beginning after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Convos out of context;
> 
> SatNav: Please state your destination.  
> Chain: giggling like an idiot
> 
> Spirits: writing emotional sad scene  
> Also Spirits: Hehe Dooku and drug olympics.
> 
> Chain: Why do I only remember this sh*t after you tell me?
> 
> Chain: trying to have a normal conversation  
> Spirits: ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND WILL BE USED IN THE NOTES
> 
> Spirits: puts it in the notes  
> Chain: I rest my case.


	9. Week 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas goes missing, Gordon finds him

AWOL. 

Thomas never particularly liked going AWOL. But, sometimes it was necessary in order to save people. To protect them from something they didn’t even know about.

That was what he was doing. Right? Protecting people. Protecting his friends from witnessing his breathless and bloody end. Not letting them see a bush finally erupt from his mouth after he died. It was supposedly a beautiful sight. According to some more hidden websites at least.

So that was why he was sitting next to a waterfall. Staring at his phone in the water. Half hoping he wouldn’t have been dead too long by the time they found him.

If they found him.

No. Surely the note he’d left behind would lead them here. When he was dead of course.

It would be night soon. That would probably slow down the search. Although, knowing his friends, it would only push them harder. 

It was cruel of him to rob them of the last few hours he had left. But dying men were allowed to be selfish, aren’t they? Something inside Thomas churned as the thought crossed his mind. 

Coughing made a good distraction from the thoughts. There was already a pile of flowers coated in blood casually sitting next to him. Thomas just dropped the fresher flowers onto the pile. Leaves were beginning to join the flowers rising through his throat. Small twigs too. A nice variety of bloody plant parts really.

At least the plant made sense after Gordon revealed it was his favourite. And the blue tone was obvious, given that it must represent the deep inner sadness due to the situation. Thomas laughed. No. It was because it was Gordon’s favourite colour. Luckily a colour that actually existed on the plant. Making his cover story in an earlier week more realistic than he’d thought.

And Gordon had believed him because they were past lying to each other. Or more correctly, Thomas was past lying to the man he loved. Hanahaki had made him take a step back towards his old ways. Not quite lying. But not quite telling the truth either. 

Thomas turned his mind to what could have been. Waking up next to Gordon to go on a run just as the sunrise started. Sharing the stories of the little things they collected. Swapping tales of cases too ridiculous to be true. Looking up at the sky from some bench near the sea. Laughing at some stupid joke one of them had made. An argument over some small thing. Getting married with all their friends watching. Growing old alongside each other. Watching the world change around them.

It would have been good. And bad. And up. And down. And happy. And sad. A normal relationship. Not perfect or discordant. But just right.

Thomas stood up. Kicking the pile of bloody plant matter next to him. Smiling, he kicked the remainder again. Rubbing the flowers into the mud with his heel. Emotions settled, he sat back down.

_“Where could he be?” Higgins pondered, “We must have searched half the island by now.”_

_“I’ve got nothing.” TC stated, “Rick?”_

_“We’ve searched all the places I would’ve suggested.”_

_Higgins looked at Gordon pacing in a loop. “Any ideas from you Detective?”_

_Gordon stopped. “I’ve got one. But, it’s a long shot. Any of your ideas would probably be more realistic.”_

_Rick nodded. “He could be on a lesser visited beach.”_

_“Or just wandering to clear his thoughts.” TC added._

_“I can search the beaches alone. Maybe TC and Higgins could go for a walk in Thomas’ preferred areas. Gordon could follow up on his long shot.”_

_“It’s a plan.” Higgins stated, “Not necessarily a great plan, but it’s a plan.”_

_Gordon shrugged. “Let’s do it.”_

_They silently parted ways to search for Thomas._

Thomas looked up at the sky. Pondering how far away each star was from him and the ground he sat on. All the dots splattered across the sky. Each with their own unique story of how they came to be. One day their lights would go out and they would die. Similar to how his would be extinguished soon.

“Thomas?”

Adrenaline shot through Thomas’ veins as light covered him. “What?”

Gordon lowered the electric lantern to his side. “You’re here.”

“Gordon!” Thomas paused, “You should leave.”

“I’m not leaving you Thomas.”

His stomach flipped at Gordon’s words. “I haven’t got any weapons on me. So you don’t have to worry.”

“I wasn’t worried about that.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I came to find you.”

“Why?”

“You’re my friend and I care. We all do.”

“I’m being selfish. Aren’t I?

“How?”

“I’m hiding from the others.”

“You wanted to die alone. I said I’d respect that wish.”

Thomas laughed hollowly. “You didn’t know it was me.”

“I also said you don’t deserve to die alone.” Gordon took a step closer.

“You did.”

“I meant it.”

“I know you did.”

“Are you here because I said it was a beautiful place to die?” Another step.

“Partly, I suppose.”

“Can I sit with you?”

“I have no reason to object.”

Gordon sat on Thomas’ left. Placing the lantern in front of them like a mock fire. It provided no warmth and neither needed it, but the area felt cosier none the less. Both were leaning on the hand closest to the other. Their hands barely an inch apart.

Thomas looked at the lantern. “Are you going to call the others?”

Gordon shook his head. “No.”

“Do you want to know who it is?”

“Who?”

Thomas pulled a clump of flowers out of his mouth. “Who I’m in love with?”

“I have a feeling I know already.”

“Then who is it?”

“I feel that it would be wrong to say.”

“How?” Thomas turned to Gordon.

“If I’m wrong, things between us would be awkward to say the least.”

“Gordy, I’m going to die at the end of week nine. And that’s in about…” Thomas looked at his watch, “Five minutes.”

“So you’ve spent a lot of time with this person.”

“Probably too long.”

Gordon hummed. “Too long?”

“Well you know who they are. So you’d already knew that.”

“I did.”

“Then who is it?”

“Me.” 

Gordon closed the distance between them with a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year!  
> (I'm a lil early but I have nothing else to post till 2021)
> 
> Spirits: You are not emotionally invested in this.  
> ChainLink: I am also quite tired.
> 
> ChainLink: "You're my friend and I care."  
> Chainlink: Poor choice of words, Gordon my dude.


	10. Week 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adult conversations finally happen.

Gordon drew back. Thomas breathed clearly for the first time in weeks.

“Gordon…”

“It worked.” Gordon half sobbed.

“Well you figured out it was you. So of course it did?”

“I had no idea.”

“Excuse me?”

“It was a complete shot in the dark.” Gordon stood up and began pacing, “The only other person you’ve spent time with is me. But it couldn’t be me because you would’ve said.”

“You took a leap of faith?” Thomas searched Gordon’s face.

“Yes.”

“Then what did you think was going to happen.”

Gordon rubbed the back of his neck. “I was honestly expecting you to hit me.”

“Why?”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Gordon gestured between them. “Either I couldn’t make it obvious that I had feelings for you, or you didn’t have feelings for me.”

“You weren’t being that clear.”

“I literally told you that I was bisexual.”

"I thought you were just making conversation!" 

Gordon sighed. “How is my sexuality conversation?”

“I don’t know.” Thomas looked flustered, “You brought it up so casually.”

“After I brought up a male ex who was scared of cats.”

Thomas let out a burst of laughter. “Yeah.”

“Terry was always a bit odd.”

“Says a lot for your taste in men.”

Gordon chuckled. “I guess it does.”

“So…” Thomas looked serious, “What do we do now?”

“I guess I sit back down and we talk like adults.” 

Patting the ground next to him, Thomas weakly smiled. Gordon carefully returned to his spot next to Thomas. 

“So?” Thomas started, “Taxes?”

Gordon snorted. “Taxes?”

“You said talk like adults. Adults discuss taxes.”

“I meant have an adult conversation about our feelings. Not skirt around them like teenagers.”

“Or we could skip straight to the kissing part?”

Gordon kissed his cheek. “No.”

“You say as you kiss me.” Thomas shifted closer.

“I couldn’t resist those pleading eyes of yours.”

“I guess now I know how to get whatever I want.” Thomas grinned, “It’s all in the eyes.”

“Not always.”

“Why? Seems to work on you.”

“What stopped you from telling me?” Gordon blurted out.

“I don’t know. Looking back, you were so obvious.” 

“Not enough, clearly.”

“Or maybe I was too focused on believing that you didn’t love me, to see that you did.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“Hey!” Thomas nudged Gordon’s shoulder, “I notice things outside of relationship hints.”

“You’re a PI, so I’d hope so. Or you’d never get paid.”

“I get paid.”

“With money?”

“I keep my options open.”

“Sure you do.” Gordon teased. 

“Everyone has money. But does everyone have antique plates brought in France by Great-great-Aunt Rosemary that nobody in the family liked?”

“Why would you even accept that as payment?”

“Hey! I liked them.”

Gordon rolled his eyes. “With the sense to sell them on?”

“Well…” Thomas grinned.

“Why am I not surprised?”

“Because you know me.”

Gordon paused. “I guess I do.”

The feeling faded from the conversation.

“What’s wrong?”

“I guess it’s just…” Gordon’s eyes grew wet, “You’re here. You’re alive.”

Thomas softened. “Yeah. I am.”

“And all because I took a long shot.”

“It was very out of character for you.”

“Hey.” Gordon nudged Thomas’ shoulder, “I can be impulsive.”

“And I can be serious.”

“Occasionally.”

“Just enough to balance out you being impulsive.”

“Yeah.” A few tears leaked out of Gordon’s eyes.

“We’ve got all the time in the world.”

“I look forward to it.” Gordon rubbed at the two streaks of water on his face.

Thomas moved until their thighs were touching. “Then why are you crying?”

“Not sure. Probably got something to do with you dying for nine weeks and then not dying because I kissed you.”

“Are they happy or sad tears?”

“Is both an option?”

“Maybe?”

“Can I just cry my emotions out?”

“Go for it. My shoulder’s open.”

Gordon lowered his head onto Thomas’ shoulder while wrapping his arms gently around him. Lightly sobbing. Thomas slowly rubbed circles onto his back. Feeling Gordon relax a little on each rotation. Eventually Gordon lifted his face off of Thomas.

“How are you so calm?”

Thomas shifted his eyes to the lantern. “I don’t think it’s quite hit me yet.”

“So are you going to start sobbing in roughly six hours?”

“It’s a possibility.”

Standing up, Gordon offered Thomas his hand. “We should get out of here.”

“Yeah.” Thomas snatched the lantern from the ground as he grabbed Gordon’s hand.

“You feel up to walking, right?”

“I’m fine.” Thomas assured.

“As long as you won’t puke on me.”

“No promises.”

Gordon raised his eyebrow. “At least promise to miss me if you do.”

“I’ll try.”

“Fair enough.”

Thomas handed the lantern back to Gordon, who took it gladly. Using it to light the trail ahead of them as he pulled Thomas off the ground. Neither let go after they were both standing. The journey down began.

“It’s like a ghost hunt.”

“Hmm?” Gordon turned to look at Thomas.

“We’re out in the forest at night with a lantern and one of us has blood on him. Does that not sound like a ghost hunt?”

“Except that we should be either using a torch or actual lantern.”

“So why are we using this hybrid.”

“Less of a fire risk. But has all the charm of a lantern.”

“Makes sense.”

“Plus I don’t feel safe bringing fire near you.”

Thomas gasped. “I’ll let you know that I can be trusted with fire. Ask any of our other friends.”

“I intend to.”

Concrete came into view. Gordon’s car could just about be seen against the darkness. Luckily alone. They wordlessly walked towards it. Moving slightly closer together on the way.

“What happens now?” Thomas leaned on the car, facing Gordon.

“We go back to Robin’s Nest.”

“I meant about us.”

“Oh.” Gordon said softly.

“Look. I…” Thomas struggled for words before giving up.

“It’s fine. You need time to process what’s happened.” Gordon shrugged, “I get it.”

“I want to be with you.”

“You just can’t right now.”

“My emotions need time to run their course.” Thomas explained.

“Naturally.”

“Will you give me this week to sort myself out?”

Gordon nodded. “Of course.”

“Wait for me?”

“You know I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got through my writers block to finish this! XD
> 
> Spirits: DON'T WORRY! THEY'RE NOT GONNA FUCK IN THE WOODS! Just in case you were worried.  
> ChainLink: I was not. But I am now.  
> Spirits: No woods sex! None. Ever.  
> ChainLink: Never thought I'd be messaging someone about two fictional characters fucking in the woods this early in the morning, but here we are.


	11. Week 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk does not go to plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's up! Sorry for taking so long. I took an unplanned break to assess what's going to happen after this work is complete. I have seen your comments and will respond soon.

“Are we going to have this conversation?” Gordon cocked his head to the side. “Because you’ve been avoiding it for the past thirty minutes.”

Thomas continued staring at the ocean. “I haven’t.”

“You’ve been staring dead ahead since I parked here.”

“The sea looks beautiful.”

“It’s dark. You can’t even see it.” Gordon locked eyes with Thomas.

Thomas sighed. “Okay. Fine. Maybe I am avoiding it.”

“We don’t have to do this.” Gordon shrugged. “I get it. If you need more time…”

“No! It’s just…”

“It’s fine, honestly...”

“I just don’t know how to start this conversation!” Thomas blurted out.

“Then just say what you think.”

“I’m nervous.”

“Good.” Gordon rubbed his face. “Not what I meant. But, good.”

“I’m nervous because I’ve waited so long, almost dying, for a moment like this. And now it’s here and I just don’t know what to say.”

“Then should I say my part first?”

Thomas chuckled. “Might as well.”

“This isn’t going to be very coherent. Or necessarily in chronological order either. But, it’s something.”

“Now you’ve said the disclaimer…”

“I’m getting there.”

“Then start. Or I’ll fall asleep.” Thomas yawned to demonstrate his point.

Gordon rolled his eyes. “That’s an empty threat.”

“Are you willing to take that chance?”

“I started having feelings for you roughly eleven weeks ago. Given I got no hints from you, I decided to try and drop hints. Starting with some small ones and hoping to work my way up to grander gestures as I gained confidence. Then you admitted to developing Hanahaki so I assumed there was someone else. But I talked to everyone, made a summary of a week and realised there couldn’t be another person outside of the group.”

“Sounds a bit like you were stalking me Gordy.” 

“It was only a week!”

“To start off with?”

“No! In total.”

Thomas narrowed his eyes. “Sure.”

Gordon sighed. “Can I continue now?”

“Go ahead.”

“My first thought was Higgins. Then TC. Then Rick. Then Shammy. Then Kumu. Robin was even an option for a while. I dismissed myself pretty much immediately after Robin.”

“Why?”

“Because I blindly assumed that you’d tell me about your feelings.”

“A terrible plan, really.” 

“I know that now.”

“I wonder why.”

“Your turn.”

“No. Tell me how you got to kissing me in the woods first.”

“Fine.”

“Thank you.” Thomas grabbed Gordon’s hand closest to him, intertwining their fingers.

“I remembered what your reaction was to me saying that it was a beautiful place to die. Seemed like a long shot, but worth a try.”

“You’re a poet and you didn’t even know it.”

“That joke will never be funny.”

“Not even when I say it?”

“No.” Gordon kissed the hand intertwined with his, “Your turn to tell.”

“I thought you didn’t like me back, so I decided to slowly choke to death.”

Gordon started snickering. “I’m sorry. It’s just when you put it like that…”

“It sounds ridiculous?”

“Yes.” Gordon composed himself. “You should probably finish telling your side.”

“I just did.”

“More than a one sentence summary.”

Thomas pouted. “Fine. But no laughing.”

“I agree to your terms.”

“The thing is, I don’t know what to tell you. There’s no logical reasoning. No obvious reason for you to reject me. I guess I was just too scared to do nothing and too scared to make a move.”

“So you were going to try and procrastinate your way out of this?”

“I was blindly panicking and didn’t want to chance it.”

“Did it really make you that worried?”

“What?”

“Loving me.”

“I was literally dying!”

“Unnecessarily!”

Thomas glared at him. “We’re not doing this now.”

“Doing what? Airing the sheets?”

“Shut up.” Thomas tore his hand away.

“Was it really that hard to tell me?”

“I said.” Thomas paused as he tried to open the door. “SHUT UP!” 

“We need to have this conversation.”

“Let me out!”

Gordon unlocked the car. “Fine. Avoid your problems.”

Thomas hesitated for a second, like he was waiting for Gordon to stop him from leaving.

“If you want to get out, then do so.” Gordon shrugged, “You’re an adult.”

Sighing, Thomas opened the door. Slamming it as he stormed away down the path to the beach. He knew it was something that would come up eventually. Doing absolutely nothing to shorten his life was his choice after all. Maybe a small part of him wanted Gordon to suffer emotionally for a while too. 

Kicking sand around did nothing to ease his annoyance. Neither did listening to the sound of the waves. How could Gordon understand? It’s not like he showed much emotion after finding out.

“Thomas!” Gordon yelled, followed by the slam of a car door and hasty steps down the path.

“What?” Thomas snapped, turning to face him.

Gordon seemed unfazed. “What are you doing?”

“Standing on a beach. Clearly!”

“I would’ve guessed kicking sand around to avoid talking about your emotions.”

“Shut up.”

“Why?”

“Because you’d never understand!”

“Understand what?”

“How emotions work!”

“Excuse me?” Gordon tilted his head to the side.

“Yeah. Excuse you.” Thomas spat.

“Seriously?”

“What do you want me to say? I was dying because of you!”

“I didn’t make you fall in love with me.”

“You didn’t. You also weren’t the one to suffer because of it.” Thomas said bitterly.

“Still doesn’t give you the right to be an ass.”

“Sure.”

“You think only you were hurting?” Gordon growled. “You selfish bastard!” 

Thomas recoiled. “The dying man was the selfish one? Please enlighten me.”

“I watched you slowly die for weeks. Thinking some other person had your heart and that you were dying because of a person I’d never met. You weren’t there for the hushed discussions.”

“Gordon, I…” Thomas started.

“Don’t. Let me do the talking here. Because you can’t understand my side without hearing it first.”

Thomas lost his bite. “Fine.”

“I was worried about you. We all were. Mainly about how easily you accepted death as the only option. The topic turned to us missing signs of other things.” Gordon took a shaky breath, “And then you up and disappear. Not a word said to any of us. You just disappeared off to die alone. So don’t tell me that you were the only one to suffer through this.”

Turning on his heel, Gordon stormed off towards the path. Thomas chased him half attempting to explain and half attempting to apologise. They reached the car.

“Get in. I’ll take you back to Robin’s nest.”

“Gordon...”

“Stop. Just get in the car.”

Thomas complied, opening the door and sliding into the seat. Glancing at Gordon as the car began to move. Then continuing to do so throughout the journey.

Gordon didn’t look at him until he said goodbye and drove away.

Higgins caught him when he was midway to the guesthouse. Two hellhounds a metre behind her. Wishing her a good night, Thomas tried to sneak around.

“How did it go?” Higgins queried.

Thomas scratched his arm. “Not good.”

“What did you do?”

“Why would I have done anything?”

“Because you look guilty. And we both know it.”

Thomas lowered his gaze to the ground. “No I don’t.”

“Guilty mind, guilty face.”

“Is that even a saying?” Thomas muttered.

“Probably.” Higgins gaze seemed to cut through him, “Either way, you’ll feel better if you get whatever it is off your chest.”

“Well…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Convos out of context.
> 
> ChainLink: Gordon: You need to stop doing all these crazy things. Going outside for once might help.  
> Thomas: I went to the park today.  
> Gordon: That's good. Hope you got something from it.  
> Thomas: Yeah I did. opens jacket This duck, for instance.  
> Gordon: WTF MAGNUM  
> Thomas: I'm gonna call him Timmy!
> 
> ChainLink: Looks like a family dressed like cowboys for a nice ad and a drunk monkey puppet showed up and wouldn't leave.
> 
> ChainLink:Anything can be vodka if you put your mind to it.  
> Spirits: No.  
> ChainLink: Okay then.

**Author's Note:**

> Weeks 1-11 are over. 1 week left for Thomas to get his shit together.


End file.
